I am officially fed up of waiting for spring to get started! I know it doesn’t technically start until the clocks change but I am really feeling ready for some better weather. I decided to go ahead and sort out my wardrobe regardless:
I have kept out a couple of warmer coats and a few jumpers but it was good to get some shell tops and dresses out! It’s been a bit of a mixed experience as I had to put away a few items that no longer fit me because they are too small. Urgh. But at the same time there is still a lot of gorgeous clothes that do fit me, and some of which look better on a figure with boobs and hips. It’s been interesting to see that some styles that suited me just a few pounds ago look crap on me now – I could get away with less fitted, flowy tops when I was thinner but now I feel I need things that are more figure hugging! I have to admit I have been struggling with the F word this weekend, the F word being ‘Fat’. Luckily I have James to pick me up when I’m feeling a bit down. Plus I only ever seem to feel down for a little while before I give myself a mental bitch slap and tell myself to pull it together!
I decided to make myself some bacon for breakfast to cheer me up, and even the sun has come out!
Now that is what I call a breakfast! Bacon, scrambled eggs, roast nectarines and a blob of almond butter to finish it off!
I don’t think it helped that last night I did a bit of mindless snacking on dried fruit, seeds and cacao nibs – which just typing that makes me realise how ridiculous that sounds! I was feeling hungry, so I ate, but what I’ve noted down in my conscious living experiment is that there are times when I can not trust my body’s hunger signals, Saturday evenings sat in front of the TV are one of those times. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with some weekend snackies, but for me it can get out of control and lead to those ‘fat’ thoughts. I know a lot of us struggle with this kind of eating, and generally I have this kind of thing under control as I have developed ways of dealing with it, but as I said a few seeds and dried berries isn’t the end of the world anyway ;-)
I had made myself this delicious pizza for dinner:
Oh this was so good! I made the base with a mix of coconut flour, egg whites and Italian seasoning and I was amazed at how well it came together. It tasted more doughy than a socca base and really puffed up! I topped it with roast peppers, courgette and cheddar cheese then added some fresh basil. Although I think there was enough calories there, it didn’t touch the sides – I think another thing I’ve learned is that despite the energy content of the meal, I need volume and fibre to feel fully satisfied.
After I annihilated that, I had a bar of this:
Wow, this stuff was good! I think it came in my Nutribox. I will definitely be on the look out for this again it was fab!
I also had a bowl of roasted nectarines, frozen raspberries and greek yoghurt:
An example of a meal which did hit the spot:
I’d made the spicy beef for dinner last week and had the leftovers on top of some lettuce with half an avocado. It was a great meal and left me feeling really satisfied. So did this dinner from Friday night:
Chicken korma with my curried cauliflower rice and steamed veggies, yum yum!
I also had a craving for a green smoothie yesterday:
This was a super simple mix of spinach, frozen banana and raw milk. It really reminded me how amazing green smoothies are, it tasted so good and I felt fab after drinking it, like I really needed those greens!
On Friday I posted a video with me waffling on about how I’ve been finding the 21 day conscious living experiment so check it out if you are bored this Sunday and fancy having a laugh at me with no make up on ;-)
Plus come and follow along on the Facebook page as well if you like!
How has your weekend been? Do you have a wardrobe sort out when the seasons change?
I think all of us struggle with fat thoughts and feelings sometimes, it just makes us human. But we don’t have to let them win. If you feel like losing weight would be a good thing for your health and self esteem then go for it – there’s nothing wrong with that. If not then I find that reminding yourself that health is way more important than looks are, and focusing on what makes you happy rather than measuring yourself against an unrealistic ideal can help, at least a bit. I know that sometimes they can be very difficult thoughts and feelings to overcome. How do you deal with ‘fat’ thoughts?
{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }
I think you have to get rid of clothes that don’t fit or flatter you- I think having clothes to slim into (or just don’t make you feel great) is not a good idea, as it is a constant reminder of that part of your brain that hopes for something else.
Maria @ runningcupcake recently posted..Guest post- Where to stay for the London Marathon
I agree, I definitely feel better knowing I that everything I have in my wardrobe actually fits! No nasty surprises ;-)
Gosh this week I have been having the same thoughts taking over my head, I still have trouble trying to get round them to be honest……….. I just feel sorry for Dale as I am a total body hating nightmare for him! Lucky he loves me I guess : )
The pizza base sounds great can you post the recipe? x x
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Oh petal, obviously I know just how you feel – and I think James and Dale are in the same position as well bless them. I will definitely post the pizza base recipe as it is lush :-)
I really struggle with the ‘f’ word- I know I’m not fat by any stretch but I constantly beat myself up after I indulge a little and I really need to address my relationship with food to banish any feelings of guilt!
I like the idea of making my own pizza base- may give it a go :-)
Lindsey recently posted..Photography Amnesia
Oh I know what you mean! I don’t tend to feel guilty any more, its more how I feel physically that gets me, but I am getting better at handling those feelings :-)
Today it’s our sixth wedding anniversary and we’re taking some time out to try Netflix between a lovely breakfast out and the Grand Prix, before more food and drinks with friends. It’s been a great weekend, but they’re never long enough!
At work we’re calling it ‘sprinter’, that spring and winter awkward time in March where one moment you’re eyeing up sandals, the next it’s -4 in the wind chill :) a good clear out does help, and realise just how many outfits you can can out together from a few things?
Your post came a few days after three of us at work tried a health and well being machine, that takes you through BMI, blood pressure, stress, sleep levels, hydration etc. It told us we all had high fat levels, weighed us about eight lbs more than we thought (I had to assume mine did, I go my clothes fit not weight so don’t really use our scales much) and suggested we do more exercise – to say we felt despondent just about covered it! Suffice to say I have ignored some of the advice; at 33 I have to works abut harder already to feel fit, and my issue is bloatedness so some days my exercise looks like it pays off, other days I look pregnant. I was away last week and a pal complimented on how I looked but I still felt compelled to ingratiate her with my loose skin and bingo wings!
So I guess there are days where my bloatedness and subsequent yuckiness feel like F days, but I know it will pass eventually x
Congrats on your anniversary! That machine sounds horrid – health and well being my arse – what about things like how happy and contented you are, how your skin looks etc! – that reminds me of that quote ‘even this shall pass’ some times you just need to ride out the storm x
Yay for sorting out your clothes! I wish I were that organized! But truly for god sakes, where’s the spring! I’m so tired of heavy coats and sweaters and boots :(
Also yummy foods, especially pizza! I should make a healthy one tonight to celebrate the end of the weekend!
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Oh pizza is always good – healthy or not so healthy versions! I’m sick of heavy coats especially!
The F word can be a toughie at the best of times. As women we all go through these phases and as bad as it sounds it seems like a natural cycle that we go through from time to time. At times like this I try and remember all if the good things about my body and how much happier I am with curves. :-)
Jemma recently posted..Welcoming the Weekend
I feel exactly the same way – unfortunately its a symptom of the society we live in I think :-(
Awh big hugs lovie. I can assure you, you’re definitely not fat – you’re looking more gorgeous than ever <3 But I can relate to that feeling 100%, especially coming from a very low BMI which I had sustained for 7 years, even now after being at this weight for a year and a half now I still feel 'fat' and I'd say that pretty much everyday I look in the mirror and pick at everything I am not happy with. But it seems that this is how I am meant to be so I will just have to live with it! I can also definitely relate to the 'fat' feeling being worse when you feel that you've eaten on snacks at night. But like you say, the way that we 'oversnack' is on relatively healthy things compared to what they could be 'for normal people' so it's definitely not the end of the world :)
I've actually just done a big clear out of my wardrobe as it was totally busting and mostly with clothes that don't fit and put them on ebay. It did kind of upset me because I do love them all and I felt so tiny and slim in them..but I can't be a size 4/6 and be a woman!
Oh and that pizza sounds AMAZING! I may have to try recreating one this week :)
Nicky @kabochafashionista recently posted..Sick Week and Protein Experiments
Thanks chick, our conversations on evening snacking in the past always help me to put it into perspective! I had a big ebay sale of my bigger clothes and now it seems I need another one for my skinny clothes – such is life!
Laura! You’re positively GLOWING and so beautiful! From where I’m sitting, it seems like you’ve reached your happy place, weight-wise. But every woman’s been there! I used to model and, as such, be model-sized… it took me years of grappling with all sorts of disordered thoughts before I accepted myself at my naturally thin (but not size 00!) self, and selling all of my teeny tiny clothes ended up being freeing more than anything! More money in the bank for clothes that actually fit :)
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Oh thank you so much Rose that is lovely of you to say. I love the idea of having more money for clothes that fit!
Oh Laura I know how you feel… even though I know I looked far too thin and not good at all a couple of years ago, it’s so hard now my long leather riding boots won’t zip up! Logically, I know I look so much better now but that rogue “fat” thought does creep in… if it helps, you look stunning now, glowing, slim and so healthy :-)
That “pizza base” looks fab, what sort of quantities did you use? And I know, this weather sucks the big one, as my boss would say ;-)
Oh and in answer to your comment on my blog, that PR woman’s a nightmare isn’t she, she doesn’t leave off!
Oh I have had that same feeling with some of my winter boots getting tight around my calves. I do know I look better at this size but I’m the biggest I’ve been in 3 years so it is still a tough one! I’ve actually kind of decided I don’t really want to try that slim pasta stuff now after her badgering!
I loved the video, and you looked great without make-up! It sounds like the experiment is going really well and you’ve learned a lot already.
I think most people (women anyway) struggle with “fat” thoughts at some time or another – I certainly do. The way I’ve been trying to get over it recently is to understand how what I eat and what activity I do makes me feel, particularly with regards to energy levels and digestion which are my two biggest issues at the moment. If I can work that out then my weight is likely to be healthy for my body.
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Thanks Sarah! Yep I think its really unfortunate that all women have those thoughts from time to time. I’m totally with you on the eating and activity affect on energy and digestion, definitely something which I’m learning from more with my experiment :-)
I honestly, truthfully, 100% think that you are most definitely in your “glow zone” right now. You look beautiful, radiant and I think you are looking your best RIGHT NOW!! The F word?? Well it can F off!!! :-)
emma recently posted..Pregnancy after Anorexia – Post Baby Body, Post ED
Oh thank you lovely, you are so kind!
Unfortunately I’m not the best person to ask about feeling fat and how to deal with it :P I refer you to the great advice of other commenters. I would say that if the smaller clothes are really upsetting you to not keep them though – you don’t need those kind of reminders hanging around if they’re going to bring up negative feelings.
xxx
Oh I have put all the tiny stuff away under the bed now. I think its all made worse because ordinarily I would clean up my eating and be better with portion sizes and exercise to lose a few pounds but I feel like I can’t do that without jeopardising my period coming back. Its frustrating x
I’m definitely feeling your frustration with the spring weather not wanting to show up. It’s been snowing for 3 days straight here and it honestly looks more like January than anything else. Ugh.
And there are definitely days where I struggle with the F word, but I find that they mostly pop up when I’m beating myself up over some other aspect of my life… like if I made a mistake, or if I’m worrying about something. Those are the times I tend to turn on my appearance as a way to deal with other anxieties that I feel.
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Yep I can see why those kind of feelings become linked. I think I tend to feel it more when I’m feeling more emotional or stressed :-(
Like you said, we all get these thoughts about ourselves that get us down, whether about being fat or not like part of our bodies. Us women are far too hard on ourselves. My husband sometimes looks in the mirror and goes “hmm think I’ve got a bit of a belly there’ and then he’s off doing something else. The is literally it. No others thoughts about it. But if i have a fat da or an ugly day it haunts me all day long and puts me in such a bad mood. I think it’s just about realising there are always going to be bad days but there are going to be days when you look at yourself and go “ok I look pretty nice today!” its just finding a way to ignore the bad days and enjoy and relish in the good days. I think you’re in a great place and look beautiful! Stay strong :)
I agree – James is just the same! I think there are just going to be days like that but its how we handle them and don’t let them bring us down :-)
I have been much better about my body image recently (i think other stresses like work, moving house etc can come through in negative body thoughts) although i do need to give myself a good talking to sometimes. Basically, it goes something like this: the only person that gets hung up on the fact i’d like to be 1/2 stone lighter is me. My husband doesnt care – he loves me as i am. My family and friends likewise. And as a Christian (as most people whatever their faith or worldview would too) i believe that my value lies in the kind of person i am on the inside, and how much good i can do and love i can bring into the world. Any time spent fretting about the look of a body that will not ultimately last is time wasted, and feels a little ungrateful considering how i am generally fit & healthy and everything on my body WORKS unlike many others. Its great to be fit & healthy and i take care to do that, but it can be hard to draw the line between that and obsessing over a few pounds or the pair or turquoise skinny jeans that feel too tight still.
I guess what i’m trying to say is that if i remind myself how groundless, wasteful and ultimately selfish and self-destructive these thoughts can be, then they soon go away, as does a good dose of comic relief, children in need, or any other report or glimpse into the lives of those who are really in need. Life is too short to waste time on these thoughts! I know there are those for who thoughts like this lead to serious mental and physical disorders and illnesses and thankfully its never got to that point with me – i also realise that berating people who suffer with these illnesses as being selfish is going to push people further in and isnt going to help – my talking-to is just to me!
Don’t apologise for the long comment, I love them! You are SO right with all of this – there is so much more to life than how you look. I think losing weight when its a health thing is another matter, but when its ‘vanity’ pounds then we do need to remind ourselves of what’s really important and as you say – how we would rather be using our time and energy!
Gosh sorry just seen how long my comment was – ridiculously long! I do ramble on, probably a good job i dont have a blog myself!
I had my first ombar last night – it was so good. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been feeling the F word. All I can say is that you have the most fabulous shape and are a great inspiration to me and so many others on here. You look healthy, radiant and toned – not the dreaded F word in the slighted. Or the c word (not THAT one!) either. Keep your chin up, I’m sure it will pass soon!
Thanks so much Claire, haha that C word thing made me laugh!
Eats look delish as always! I can totally relate to how you’re feeling and have had a similar experience today clearing out my wardrobe as I’m moving house next week and like you had to be ‘rescued’ by my amazing boyfriend James! I try to remember though how much better I am mentally at this stage in my recovery, I no longer obsess over supermarket and recipe websites and have space in my head to think about other things than food and my next meal/snack…the other day I realised for the 1st time in about 3 years I ate breakfast and didn’t think about food at all until about 3 hours later when my tummy started rumbling which was truly amazing! so what I’m trying to say is your mind needs to be nourished to keep your thoughts and feelings towards food normal and thats exactly what your doing with all these lovely eats!…keep it up, you look lovely :) x
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Thanks petal – I’ve just emailed you now! I think it is truly freeing when your world no longer completely revolves around food :-)
I’ve been having these same thoughts this weekend and just posted about it! I think I’m really struggling with the concept of healthy living and occasionally having a night off. When I do have a night off I feel fat, guilty and annoyed with myself for days, but at the same time I feel I need those nights off if this is going to be a life long thing for me. Eeeek I don’t know the answer but it’s good to see it’s not just me. Hopefully I will figure it out!
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Oh gawd, I had to get rid of so many things when I gained weight – I think it’s best just to give them away rather than have a constant reminder that you’re not that size any more.
Your brekka looks amazing! I often think I should start eating more for breakfast as it really sets you up for the day ahead. I’m just worried I’ll continue with the big meals and snacks for the rest of the day!
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In a way I find it easy-ish to ignore my ‘fat thought’, as I am trying to lose weight and I know I’m not at where I want to be yet, I just try and not let my mind wander there for too long. It helps that I’m currently getting regular compliments about my weight loss, but I’m finding it hard in regard to people who have only met me recently: I feel like I need to justify my size by telling them that I used to be much much bigger!
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